Posts Tagged "bad horror movies"

A young child is terrified to discover that a planned family trip is to be haunted by vile man-eating monsters out of his worst nightmare. His attempt to save his beloved family is assisted by the spectre of his deceased grandfather. Also, there are NO trolls in this movie, only goblins.

I originally heard about this movie in a magazine that explained that there was Bad Horror Movie convention some where in the North East that was based on this movie.  After renting this movie, I have got to say I understand why such an event could be based on one bad movie.  This movie has the worst acting, the worst story, the worst script of all time.   Over all it doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense.  It was awesome.

A young man and his girlfriend move into the man’s old mansion home, where he becomes possessed by a need to control ancient demons.

I remember seeing this movie on the shelves of Blockbuster back when I was a kid, but I never rented it.  I’m not sure sure why because it is a classic.  It basically is a Gremlins clone but done in a much cheesier way.  Bad hand puppets and midgets.  You can’t get any better than that.

Set way in the future, Earth is no longer inhabitable, so humans have colonized in outer space. One colony receives two cryogenically frozen bodies, and when they defrost them, one of the bodies turns out to be…..who else? Jason Voorhees. No longer in the forest or Camp Crystal Lake, Jason stalks the colonists in a whole new environment.

I have to say that Friday the 13th is my all time favorite horror series.  It’s just got all the basic components of a classic slasher.  But on the 10th one, they decided to mix things up a bit.  Jason in Space is pretty much ridiculous in every way.  Jason not only finds himself in the future on some crazy spaceship, he also gets a super charged makeover in the end of the movie.  What else can you ask for?

Nada, a down-on-his-luck construction worker, discovers a pair of special sunglasses. Wearing them, he is able to see the world as it really is: people being bombarded by media and government with messages like “Stay Asleep”, “No Imagination”, “Submit to Authority”. Even scarier is that he is able to see that some usually normal-looking people are in fact ugly aliens in charge of the massive campaign to keep humans subdued.

Now I hadn’t heard about this movie til just recently, but I have to say that this one is one of the best bad horror movies I have seen.  It’s actually so entertaining, it actually is leaning towards just a damn good movie by itself.  Remember Rowdie Roddy Piper from the eighties wrestling? Well he’s the star and can see aliens thorough these magical sunglasses.  This movie has some of the best one liners ever written.

On the other hand, you CAN make a movie and just do it wrong. These are the “Unintentionally, Unwatchablly, Crap” movies. I’m talking horrible acting, stupid writing, bad direction, horrible everything. If I, of all people, can’t make it through a movie, it’s got to be bad. Most of the time, this happens when someone tries to make a movie about something unimaginably ridiculous, and they actually try to take themselves seriously. This is wrong, and should be outlawed.

You see, the good Bad Horror Movies are not like regular movies. If they do it just right, they can achieve horror, laughter, and just plain entertainment all at the same time. They can take a topic so ridiculous and turn it into something even more unbelievable. It’s pretty awesome.

Here are some of my favorites. If you haven’t seen these already, go out and buy them, cause they are pure awesomeness.

When a bumbling pair of employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to re-animate as they go on a rampage through Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains.

Now, in this movie there is a pretty sterio-typical zombie movie plot. It actually is a direct sequel to the original Night of the Living Dead, except when they went to make it George A. Remaro didn’t want to do it. So they went ahead and made one anyway. Then, ten years later, George made Dawn of the Dead, the official sequel. Anyway, this movie then spawned 7 sequels on it’s own, and established itself as it’s own franchise. This movie actually was the main inspiration to Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and if you watch it you will see the resemblence. This is definitly one of my favorites.

Two brothers camping with their cousin try to frighten each other by telling stories. There are two main narrations: one involves strange happenings at an elementary school; the other, a teenage boy with a peculiar interest.

This was my first run in with a Bad Horror movie. It is a true classic, and I will always love it, no matter how bad it is. It is, in sense, a kids movie, but it will still give you the creeps. I remember that as a kid, me and my buddy Anthony would watch this every Halloween just for a good laugh. It is awesome.

Rennie is celebrating her graduation aboard the SS Lazarus, along with her strict uncle, her favorite teacher her boyfriend, Sean, all of her classmates, and a stowaway: hockey-masked serial killer Jason Voorhees. One by one, Jason slowly murders each classmate and sinks the ship, stranding the survivors in New York. Rennie and the few survivors now must face Jason to save their lives from impending doom…

Not much to say about this except that it is the epitome of Bad Horror Movies. It is on the verge of just being plain bad, but it is saved by the pure fact that it is a Friday the 13th movie. The best part is that they are only in New York for the last twenty minutes of the movie and the movie was filmed in Vancouver. Awesome.

In the year 3000, the deep space salvage ship Mother III locates the vanished starship Demeter. Captain Abraham Van Helsing and his crew decide to claim the possession of Demeter. While exploring the spacecraft, they see a tape of fifty years ago of Captain Varna telling that his crew was acting weird after getting a cargo of coffins in Transylvania station. When 187 aka Coolio decides to search in the coffins for some possible hidden weed, he awakes Count Dracula.

OK, this one is the best by far. It is so bad in so many ways it’s pretty much unbelievable. But it does one thing right, one one thing only. It doesn’t take itself too serious. I could go into all the things that make this movie so great, but I want you all to go out and buy it. I mean shit, it has Coolie in it playing a futuristic, gangsta stoner on a space ship with Dracula. What is there not to love?